When Elliot and I began our life together as husband and wife, we didn’t set out to change the world. We just wanted a baby. What neither of us could have anticipated were the abscesses on my fallopian tubes. But, as the old Yiddish saying goes, man plans and God laughs. Despite the losses and setbacks, over the next five years, we built our family in suburban New Jersey with our two adopted daughters, Robyn and Michelle.

We were happy, surrounded by the laughter of our beautiful girls. That, we thought, was that.

But then, in 1978,  we learned that British gynecologist Dr. Patrick Steptoe and physiologist Robert Edwards had successfully achieved the birth of a child by bypassing the tubes through in vitro fertilization (IVF). This revolutionary breakthrough offered a new opportunity to infertile women. Fallopian tubes be damned. I could have a baby.

In 1982, Elliot and I traveled to Bourn Hall, the clinic in England founded by Dr. Steptoe and Edwards. It was filled with women from around the world. Many had been there for months and were determined to stay until they became pregnant.

Miraculously, our first attempt at IVF was successful. I was pregnant! We returned to New Jersey with a new sense of hope. As my pregnancy progressed, I reveled in my growing belly and in the flutters of movement I felt within.

In the seventh month of my pregnancy, I experienced a dagger-like pain in my abdomen. My uterus had ruptured. After an emergency C-section and a devastating hysterectomy, our daughter Heather was born. She lived for 13 days.

How could God have given us such a beautiful miracle only to take her away? Why would God remove the chance for me to give birth to another child?

Several months later, Elliot had an epiphany: “What if we created an embryo with IVF and had a surrogate carry the baby?” Honestly, it sounded crazy.

“What doctor would even attempt this?” I replied. 

“It should be possible,” Elliot said. He had a renewed optimism that, with God’s help, we could create another miracle. “We’ll find someone.”

Surrogacy was illegal in England, so Bourn Hall was out. We contacted the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists for a list of IVF programs. Elliot, a cardiologist, began calling doctors across the country alphabetically.

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Hadassah Supports Access to Fertility Treatments
Did you know that one in six people globally is affected by infertility? Access to fertility treatments is essential for many families, including those embarking on a surrogacy journey. However, since the Supreme Court overturned the constitutional right to an abortion in its June 2022 Dobbs decision, legislation and court decisions at the state level are threatening access to and potentially criminalizing these treatments. The Access to Family Building Act pending in Congress would help provide federal protection for reproductive technologies like IVF and for patients to retain the right to determine how to use embryos derived from fertility treatments. Visit Hadassah’s online National Action Center for more information about the act and ways to show support.

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As anticipated, he met with resistance. Many physicians questioned whether this could actually be done. At this point, IVF had low success rates, and we were adding the complication of a surrogate. Some questioned the ethics of contracting what they called a “womb for rent.” Others had religious and moral objections. Medical institutions feared involvement in something potentially litigious and, to top it off, surrogacy was illegal in many states—including New Jersey.

Elliot had reached the end of the list when he called Dr. Wulf Utian, a physician originally from South Africa who had become chairman of the obstetrics and gynecology department and director of the IVF program at the Mt. Sinai Medical Center in Cleveland. “It’s unusual for a cardiologist to propose advancement in the field of obstetrics,” Dr. Utian told Elliot amusingly. He agreed that our proposal should be doable but needed approval from the hospital’s ethics board before he could commit to work with us.

The board wanted guidance from clergy. When Dr. Utian’s calls to local Christian clergy went unanswered, he reached out to Rabbi Avraham Lapin, a former chief rabbi of South Africa, whom the doctor had assisted with medical issues before coming to the United States. Based on the biblical obligation to be fruitful and multiply, Rabbi Lapin approved. The ethics board was onboard.

Still, we weren’t home free. A close friend had agreed to be our surrogate, but she bowed out. Recalling an article in People magazine, we contacted Noel Keane, a lawyer in Michigan, who had arranged the first traditional surrogate contract in the United States. He enthusiastically arranged the “perfect” surrogate for us.

Kathy, a housewife, had been a traditional surrogate—that is to say, using her own egg with the husband’s sperm—two years before. We underwent three attempts with Kathy, which all failed, and she walked away. A second surrogate backed out after I had completed hormone treatment. We debated whether it was time to give up.

Finally, on a wing and a prayer, we decided to try one last surrogate. Shannon was a young married woman with a 3-year-old son. Having been a traditional surrogate before, she was disappointed in her relationship with the couple and wanted a redemptive experience.

On our first go-round, Dr. Utian retrieved only one egg from me.

“What are our chances?” Elliot and I asked anxiously.

“It’s a beautiful egg!” Dr. Utian replied.

It was unexpected, to say the least, when Shannon called to tell us she was pregnant.

Nine months later, on April 13, 1986, we were in the delivery room for our daughter Jillian’s birth. She was the first baby ever to be born using the egg and sperm from the biological parents in a surrogate’s womb. Elliot cut the umbilical cord, and, with Jillian’s first cry, we all congratulated each other on the miracle before us.

Jillian’s birth also catalyzed another milestone. We petitioned a Michigan court for a change in the legal definition of motherhood. The court ruled that the woman providing the genetic material, not the woman giving birth, is the mother. I am recorded on Jillian’s birth certificate as “mother.” (Because surrogacy laws differ by state, birth certificate requirements are not standard across the country.)

Jillian’s arrival made headlines, and we did some limited publicity. Elliot, Shannon and Dr. Utian were on The Phil Donahue Show, appearing with a woman who opposed surrogacy. We did a segment on the PBS show NOVA, and there was an article about us in the May 4, 1987 issue of People magazine. 

The following month, LIFE magazine featured two couples dealing with infertility. Our story was a sidebar, not one of the main profiles. Jillian was invited to a photoshoot along with another baby highlighted in the issue. We figured that we would get some professional photographs, if nothing else. Jillian’s photo was chosen for the cover of the June 1987 issue. In the piece, we used “Shira,” her middle name, for privacy.

Jillian is now 38, married with three young children and has a successful career as a marketing executive. When I look into her eyes, I remember the heartache it took to have her. I mourn for Heather. But most of all, I see joy. I see hope.

I see what can be accomplished with science, belief, love and one beautiful egg.

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Sandye Rudnitzky, a Hadassah life member, works as a pediatric social worker at Morristown Medical Center in Morristown, N.J. She is also a singer and actress who performs in local music and theater productions.